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Letting Go

September 10, 2008 Leave a comment Go to comments

So today is Esmé’s first day of Mother’s Day Out at a local church near our house. For those of you who may not know, MDO is usually for children between two and four years of age, and occurs once, twice, or three times per week. Churches are usually the hosts of this program, and it typically lasts from around nine o’clock in the morning until two or three in the afternoon. Esmé is scheduled to attend every Monday and Wednesday [she missed the first day because we were on vacation]. In the beginning, I assumed Emily would have a harder time about this than me, but I was wrong. I’m a nervous wreck. In fact, I told Emily that I can not be present when Esmé is dropped off in the morning. I’m not sure I could handle seeing her upset when we leave. Of course, Esmé will probably not cry and be perfectly okay, but I worry nonetheless.


You see, Esmé loves her routine, and MDO forces her out of that routine and into another one. And I know that this can’t be pleasant for her. If we could somehow explain to Esmé the situation, I might feel better. But in my mind, she’ll simply be confused as to why her parents abandoned her at this strange place and force her to eat when she’s usually napping. Furthermore, Emily and I have been so busy lately, I’m afraid we haven’t prepared enough for Esmé’s first day. The program insists the child have a list of supplies, lunches to pack, comfort toys to remember, etc. God forbid we forget something.


And this whole thing has made me realize something. Emily worries more about Esmé’s physical safety – falling down, bumping her head, scraping a knee, etc. – while I tend to worry more about her mental well-being: Esmé’s happiness, her social skills, trying to avoid any sort of emotional and mental trauma that might ruin her forever, etc. I’m not saying Emily doesn’t worry about these things [or that I don’t worry about her physical safety], but we both seem to concentrate on one over the other. Emily wants Esmé in one piece, and I want Esmé to grow-up and become a well-adjusted adult.

Categories: Esmé
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