Home > General Chatter > A Tale of Two Drying Racks

A Tale of Two Drying Racks

January 14, 2007

When I left for college, I took with me my parents’ drying rack. This drying rack did its job very well and stayed with me all through college and into the present day, until about three days ago, when – out of nowhere – it attacked the wife, and it was killed [the wife is a clever and stealthy fighter]. Clothes Hanger As you can imagine, I was distraught, but after a brief mourning period, I dispatched a missive to the wife asking that she purchase another “clothes hanger” on her way home from work. [It is very important to note at this point that I did not know that a drying rack is called a “drying rack”. I just always referred to it as a “clothes hanger”].


Upon my return home that afternoon, I found no new drying rack. Instead, the wife had bought hangers, the thing with which you hang your clothes in the closet. This resulted in an argument, where the wife thought me insane for referring to a “drying rack” as a “clothes hanger”, and I became upset because she did not perceive into my mind and realize exactly what I wanted – the very skill for which I married her. Wooden Drying Rack Fortunately, we settled our differences [although she is still unsure that I am not insane], and she agreed to return the hangers and purchase a drying rack. Secretly, I was hoping that she would come home with a chrome/metal/aluminum drying rack. Not a wood and plastic one – like the old drying rack.


The next afternoon, the wife came home with an exact duplicate of the old drying rack. She said that it was the only kind the store carried. I had no reason not to believe her, and I figured since the other one lasted so long, this one would be good enough. We assembled the drying rack and placed it in its proper spot. Everything was as it should be. The bubble world in which I lived had been restored.


Until approximately two hours later.


I noticed the drying rack leaned to one side. My initial thought was to let it be, as I am trying not to be such a perfectionist any longer. Then, it occurred to me that all of my children’s toys will be crooked, or poorly put together, as I am terrible at assembling things. [There is a gimp shoe rack in the garage that reminds me daily that Bob Villa I am not]. This drove me to try and fix the uneven drying rack. I managed to even it out a bit, and I should have stopped then. Chrome Drying Rack But no. I kept trying to make the drying rack stand evenly. And that’s when I snapped one of the supporting struts. What was an uneven drying rack was now a broken drying rack.


The wife was livid, as she had gone to much trouble to purchase this drying rack. Threats were made to my physical well-being [fortunately for me, only a soft and comfortable body pillow was thrown in my direction].  So this past Sunday, we trekked to another store and purchased a chrome drying rack [this one came fully assembled] for three times the price of the first replacement, and it occurred to me that perhaps I broke the replacement drying rack because I subconsciously wanted the more expensive one. Perhaps. But I am sticking to my story that I did not want the drying rack to be a sign of things to come when it comes to toys, furniture, or anything else I might need to assemble for my child.


The lesson I learned is to always buy things fully assembled. Or hire a professional to do it for you.


And I am going to end on this note: Some of you might be asking why I did not purchase the first replacement myself.  That is because the wife drives by the store from which I wanted a replacement purchased on her daily commute to-and-fro work. I hoped that the store would carry a variety of dryer racks, and the wife would pick the one that I want.


How wrong I was.

Categories: General Chatter
  1. Ned Beatty
    January 14, 2007 at 2:18 am

    How could you call a drying rack a clothes hanger? Haven’t you ever seen Mommie Dearest? I still don’t understand why the Mrs. just doesn’t beat the hell from you and call it a day. Clothes hanger…Indeed!

  2. Burt Reynolds
    January 14, 2007 at 10:37 am

    Why is it that you always refer to your spouse as “the wife”? Isn’t it slightly dehumanizing to refer her by this role rather than at least by some type of anonymous designator like Mrs. Digital Boy or something to that effect?

  3. January 14, 2007 at 11:01 am

    The missus has actually complained about that, but I explained that it was not meant in a derogatory manner. I suppose I could refer to her as ‘the old hen’. She thought that was amusing. I dunno. Perhaps it is time for a new nom de guerre.

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